i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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