Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
