Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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