It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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