just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
