i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
