I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
