I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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