A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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