Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
