i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
