I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
