You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
