dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
