I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
