my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize