I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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