I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize