He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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