It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
