so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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