You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
