im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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