i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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