I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
