I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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