I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and she was petting her beer can
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
