At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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