Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
