Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
