It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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