I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
