Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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