how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize