the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
