He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
