i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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