well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
