so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They took my balls.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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