Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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