now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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