First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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