Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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