I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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