The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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