remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
