My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
