I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
