Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
