My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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