remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize