i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
