Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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