that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize