It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize