I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
