Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
