Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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