happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
