I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
