Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
