4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
