We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
