Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Farmville is her only friend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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