I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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