you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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