if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
