Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
someone threw a dead crab at me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
