Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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