I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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